


Aliens Steal Cable

by aenor_llelo, Falrisesi, Rocket999



Series: For A Diamond Is A Marveled Thing [30]
Category: Gravity Falls, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Beach City, Bill Wurtz, Chatting & Messaging, Does Bruno Mars Is Gay?, Fish Stew Pizza, Gemsong, Gen, How Many Obscure Steven Universe References Can I Make, Internet, Internet Famous, Interviews, Ironic Use Of M'diamond, Little Homeworld, News Media, Non-Linear Narrative, Nonbinary Steven Universe, One(1) Cursed Daddy Joke, Other, Post-Canon, Ronaldo Fights A 12 Year Old On Twitter, Steven Displaying Painful Levels Of Sincerity, Steven Universe Future, YouTube, i gave steven a diamond name for Reasons, reddit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 15:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 11,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21970384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aenor_llelo/pseuds/aenor_llelo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Falrisesi/pseuds/Falrisesi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocket999/pseuds/Rocket999
Summary: The internet absolutely loves Gems.
Series: For A Diamond Is A Marveled Thing [30]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604959
Comments: 507
Kudos: 1228





	1. r/AMA

**Author's Note:**

> every single username is a steven universe joke. not even the comics are safe.

* * *

**Ask Me Anything**

r/AMA

posted by u/fishstewpizza

**We live in Beach City. 1 human, 1 gem. AMA**

**chAAAAps** 2 points

Where are you hanging out right now?

**fishstewpizza** 5 points

Fish Stew Pizza! no longer serving fries

**KeepBeachCityWeird** 20 points

I thought we agreed not to talk about Restaurant War II. 

**50pageweddingcake** 12 points

wait that means there was a restaurant war 1

**talkhawk** 15 points

what the fuck is a restaurant war

**fishstewpizza** 7 points

... I plead the fifth.

**50pageweddingcake** 30 points

where's the war, op

**chAAAAps** 3 points

the public demands the truth, op

**BeautifulMearl** 32 points

Do you live together? How did you two meet?

**fishstewpizza** 17 points

The Gems live in a separate settlement. We met through the Little Homeschool program.

**BeautifulMearl** 13 points

What's little homeschool?

**fishstewpizza** 5 points

it's like an adult school, but for gems.

**bringbackfrybo2k15** 22 points

Are gems non-binary?

**fishstewpizza** 10 points

Gems by default have no physical gender, though as shapeshifters we could adopt one if we so choose.

**50pageweddingcake** 15 points

wait, the shapeshifting thing is real???

**QQCookieCat** 40 points

for the gem- do you eat? If yes, do you have a favorite food?

**fishstewpizza** 15 points

i like drinking more than eating. keeps my hands free.

Ice drinks are good. love the cronch.

**fishstewpizza**

crynch

**fishstewpizza**

crinch

**fishstewpizza**

CRUNCH

**fishstewpizza**

i have crabs for hands

**plinkmandidntdieforthis** 17 points

is there a scientific name for gems?

**fishstewpizza** 9 points

neither of us know the answer to that, so I asked a human friend doing Gem research- _Adstramarmor_ is one of the proposed names.

**shesariptideQueen** 5 points

Have you ever met Asteria Diamond in person?

**fishstewpizza** 27 points

Loads of times! He orders from here pretty often.

**shesariptideQueen** 19 points

what's his usual?

**fishstewpizza** 20 points

Right now, it's a Margherita.

**plinkmandidntdieforthis** 50 points

*slams fist on table* Well if it's good enough for Space Jesus(TM), it's good enough for me-

**fishstewpizza** 18 points

I'm gonna tell him you called him space Jesus.

(EDIT) I told him, he just got real soft and quiet and said "please don't". 

**QQCookieCat** 23 points

oh no, bABY-

**EVacU8** 31 points

for the gem- have you ever accidentally broken a human law?

**fishstewpizza** 42 points

Can't take people's trash?? Why? They don't want it anymore.

**w1ndLizard** 60 points

for the human- was there anything about gems that freaked you out when you first met them?

**KeepBeachCityWeird** 12 points

I think that's a little insensitive.

**meowingDogcopter** 11 points

OK, Yikes!

**fishstewpizza** 52 points

It's an honest question! We were expecting the weirder questions sooner or later.

Gems don't need to blink or breathe. It gives a kind of silence to them. I got over it pretty quick, but I'll never be able to mistake a Gem for a human.

**th3m4ningthief** 36 points

to keep things fair- to the Gem, is there anything about humans that freaks you out?

**fishstewpizza** 28 points

Sleeping. You just... stop??? you stop functioning for Hours? And you don't work right if you didn't get your allotted shut down time. Spooky!

**RIPdustylegs** 19 points

does asteria d know about the ama

**fishstewpizza** 10 points

We talked to him about it first. So yes, he knows. He might even be reading the thread right now!

**RIPdustylegs** 40 points

oh shit gotta do the SaluteTM

M'diamond <>

**w1ndLizard**

m'diamond <>

**chAAAAps**

m'diamond <>

**talkhawk**

m'diamond <>

**50pageweddingcake**

m'diamond <>

**koalahime**

shouldn't it be more like

/\

\/

**koalahime** 20 points

wait shit the formatting messed up, fORGIVE ME M'DIAMOND-

**fishstewpizza** 15 points

I'm choking on these salutes, y'all-


	2. r/AMA

* * *

**Ask Me Anything**

r/AMA

posted by u/fishstewpizza

**We live in Beach City. 1 human, 1 gem. AMA**

**catcfan** 37 points

Is it true that Gems can eat everything

**fishstewpizza** 31 points

Professor Amethyst once made a burrito out of molten glass and ate it. Big Crunch.

**catcfan** 25 points

ONE FEAR-

**amongstTheClover** 12 points

boring question for the human- got a food you just can't stand?

**fishstewpizza** 29 points

I just can't bring myself to like our seafood pizza. I'M SORRY PAPI-

**WhyNotVisitMarcoon** 19 points

Other than pizza, what kind of food y'all got?

**fishstewpizza** 10 points

We also have brukina, lamugee, and chin chin!

**B34CHsummerfunbuddy** 17 points

Nice! ghanaians rise up

**lisaXarchmicarus** 70 points

why do some gems have more than one gemstone on their body??

**fishstewpizza** 56 points

Those are fusions! Two or more gems can 'fuse' together, acting as one being for as long as the components decide to stay together.

**lonelybladeDONTDOIT** 42 points

Can You Believe It Lads? DragonBall Is Real...

**lisaXarchmicarus** 15 points

how long can gems stay fused?

**fishstewpizza** 91 points

The record holder goes to Garnet. She's been together for like, almost six thousand years? I was at their wedding.

**koalahime** 75 points

we found her... the elder gay... The One Gay To Rule Them All

**QQCookieCat** 55 points

fuckin LEGEND

**50pageweddingcake** 20 points

absolute icon. we stan

**LionLICCers** 39 points

where is Asteria Diamond's gem? it never comes up in the pictures

**fishstewpizza** 30 points

Belly

**LionLICCers** 10 points

neat

**myfavoritetrioTM** 120 points

are birthstones racist. follow up question- are birthstones kinning.

**fishstewpizza** 90 points

What, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, the fuck.

**BeautifulMearl** 77 points

How dare you make me read this with my two eyes.

**Sworn2Th3sword** 33 points

sTOP-

**talkhawk** 16 points

this ask gave me psychic damage.

**GUYScollector5** 21 points

BLOCKED

**iMissSallyMay** 109 points

Space Cowboy, Teach Us The Forbidden Space Words

**fishstewpizza** 99 points

Clod- the favorite adjective of Peridots everywhere.

(It's like calling someone a bitch)

**GUYScollector5** 59 points

clod

**koalahime** 61 points

Blocked.

**GUYScollector5** 57 points

unblock me i have to tell you something

**koalahime** 14 points

what

**GUYScollector5** 55 points

CLOD

* * *


	3. r/AMA

* * *

**Ask Me Anything**

r/AMA

posted by u/fishstewpizza

**We live in Beach City. 1 human, 1 gem. AMA**

**undertheK'nife** 79 points

can humans and gems fuse? asking for a friend

**fishstewpizza** 101 points

Short Answer: No

Long Answer: For ethical and legal reasons, I have been asked not to elaborate.

**CATCfanboi** 64 points

What Is The Truth, OP

**wecalledittheMudnado** 53 points

Blink Twice if the gun is up to your head.

**KeepBeachCityWeird** 75 points

You have been silenced??? Truly the reach of The Man is unmatched. A moment of silence for truths buried.

**fishstewpizza** 119 points

Guys, we haven't been censored!! Jesus, y'all like rabid dogs.

undertheK'nife's question was valid, but intentionally or not, it's like, super loaded?? With many Big Implications. so the two of us took a hot minute to take it up with Asteria D.

Yes, he did ask us not to get in the juicy details, but he was really nice about it and he told us the reasons WHY. Honestly, they were good reasons, so we honored his request not to talk about it.

But just to clarify- a human and a gem cannot simply fuse. The technicalities are best discussed in a more science-y setting than an AMA.

**WannabeDisobedient** 78 points

probably a dumb question, but who/what is asteria d

**KeepBeachCityWeird** 52 points

Asteria Diamond is a member of The Diamond Authority, the highest leaders of all Gemkind!

(He and his court are based on Earth, which is why you will hear mention of him more than any of the other Diamonds.)

**WannabeDisobedient** 54 points

Whack! aliens in the backyard

**KeepBeachCityWeird** 76 points

Delmarva Peninsula for the most part, actually! 

**WannabeDisobedient** 99 points

wait maryland wtf

**wecalledittheMudnado** 75 points

To the gem- how did you learn English?

**fishstewpizza** 132 points

I didn't!

**CATCfanboi** 95 points

quick question op, what the fuck does that mean???

**QQCookieCat** 107 points

Hey OP, What The Fuck

* * *


	4. r/gem

* * *

**Discussing our favorite neighbors!**

r/gem

posted by u/nohomoboy

**crashed a gem party, ate some space fruit and passed out for 12 hours. woke up in a gem cubicle covered in blankets, stuffed animals, and flower crowns. I think I just got dog-adopted. liveblogging.**

**QQCookieCat** 13 points

did you see asteria diamond?

**nohomoboy** 20 points

let me get back to you on that

(EDIT) so it turns out the beautiful man that kissed my hangover away was the Diamond DadTM himself. i may just die

**bringbackfrybo2k15** 50 points

Excuse me hE WHAT

**DiamondfXckersAnonymous** 78 points

OP is a diamondfucker now, sorry, I don't make the rules

**talkhawk** 53 points

BLOCKED

**RIP** **dustylegs** 45 points

nohomoboy going where no man has gone before. God-fucking speed, you king

**w1ndLizard** 78 points

diamond dad more like Diamond DADDY <>

**nohomoboy** 56 points

geddoutta here ya diamondfuckers, it was a hAND KISS, OK

**SmileyFrowney** 36 points

Run into a gem yet or are you just ghosted?

**nohomoboy** 64 points

this purple gem is trying to feed me cake pops. I am half swaddled by a really buff pink one with big eyebrows. like ten gems are just watching this happen. is this what cats feel like...

**chAAAAps** 51 points

Are they watching you eat?

**nohomoboy** 49 points

Yes. gotta say, get you a bae that looks at you the way a gem looks at a person eating food.

**mearlofthen0rth** 13 points

damn bitch 12 hours? you call into work yet?

**nohomoboy** 157 points

FUCK

* * *


	5. Google Search- News

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> notice to re-readers: a continuity error was found and a date was changed.

* * *

**Cult Hit Singer/Songwriter Listed As Lead Composer For Upcoming _Passions Of Xanxor_ Film Adaptation**

_by Dante DeMayo_

The highly publicized and much anticipated upcoming adaptations for Clarke Xander's _Xanxor_ trilogy have already been making waves before the first teaser trailers have even come out. Xander, known for their appreciation of niche artists, is listed as director for their adaptation, and with producers willing to nurture that unconventional love, it can be seen all over the creative decisions being poured into the unborn production.

Cast as the male lead is Jamie B. Buddwick, known better as director of The Little Diamond Theatre Company. For the seasoned theatre performer, improv actor, and screenwriter, this will be his silver screen debut.

The Little Diamond Theatre Company also lends its infamous practical effects prowess, making the fledgeling film series the first cinematic production to hire non-human production crew, as well as the first to feature extraterrestrial actors.

Just as anticipated is the decision to hire rock ballad singer/songwriter Mr. Universe as the lead composer.

Greg Universe, known better by his stage name Mr. Universe, made his debut in the 80s with his first album _Space Train To The Cosmos_. While not selling many tickets as a one man touring band, his albums quickly developed a cult following before he disappeared from the public eye entirely following 1990, which he would later attribute to the death of his long term partner and the need to tend to his remaining family. But even in this state of semi-retirement he maintained his industry connections and continued to compose and release albums at regular intervals. His lack of public appearances, combined with the strange, fantastical nature of the narratives in his work, only added to his intrigue. 

He began to resurface in the public eye during 2007 as manager to the indie horror-punk band "Sadie Killer and the Suspects", and after the retirement of the band continues to manage its splinter groups "SC Yellowkid" and "Shepherd and Clover".

While mainstream audiences were sidelined by the decision, Mr. Universe fans quickly defended the choice, citing the sci-fi/fantasy and romance aesthetic of the songwriter's work as fitting for the upcoming series. Many _Xanxor_ fans have become die-hard Universe fans already in anticipation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imagine if jamie was a descendant of buddy buddwick...


	6. r/StoryTime

* * *

**Story Time**

r/StoryTime

posted by u/Lisa2MyArchi

**Aliens saved my life.**

My family and I were ground zero during the battle of new york. The news never talks about the utter fucking chaos that day. No one knew what was going on unless they were unlucky enough to be right outside under the wormhole. Everyone was just getting a forced evacuation courtesy of the feds or the rocks.

Her name was Rose Quartz.

She broke our fall with her body as we fell five floors. She held the rubble of thirteen more floors over our heads for 37 hours while we waited for search and rescue to find us. She stayed while we were being escorted to the shelter, she made sure my fiance got her medication, and she held my daughter's hand when Asteria Fucking Diamond came by to fix the break in her leg.

Her name was Rose Quartz and fuck all those stupid dumbasses out there still bitching about how they don't trust aliens because if it weren't for the Gems, if it weren't for that Rose Quartz, I wouldn't be here today.

**w1ndLizard** 80 points

have you kept in touch with her?

**Lisa2MyArchi** 109 points

We've actually been trying to find her. If anyone knows who to contact about finding specific Gems, please let us know.

**KeepBeachCityWeird** 79 points

Little Homeworld has a .gda website. You can make an appointment to locate and contact a specific Gem

**Lisa2MyArchi** 256 points

Thank you so much!

(EDIT: We found her! She's offworld right now, but we're setting up a visit. It turns out she was tried to find us, too!)

**QQCookieCat** 99 points

rip in pierogi, my heart ;-;

**RIPdustylegs** 76 points

don't wanna derail, but my boi Diamond Dad really went and spent a whole week straight personally doing medical assistance and search/rescue after the battle. I know y'all Gems don't need sleep but Sweet Jesus

get a fucking salute goin' for m'Diamond <>

**w1ndLizard** 45 points

m'Diamond <>

**talkhawk** 43 points

m'Diamond <>

**WannabeDisobedient** 57 points

m'Diamond <>

**Lisa2MyArchi** 95 points

homeboy lowkey cancelled my arthritis when he kissed my fractures away so

m'Diamond <>

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> behold, the rare reference to the marvel half of this crossover series!


	7. Google Search- News

* * *

**Human Medical Professionals Join Little Homeworld Healthcare Program**

NYU School of Medicine alumnus Buddwick Dewey will be the first human doctor to fulfill his residency requirements by working in service of the Gem Empire.

Gem society practices free and universal healthcare, and in the advent of Era 3 (read: What Is Era 3?) has expressed the desire to further expand it's capabilities concerning human medical treatments.

The Gem Empire contains pre-existing human populations in its citizen body, and also allows general access to basic and emergency medical care regardless of citizenship, which has led to a spike in medical tourism to Gem settlements. However, it acknowledges its ability to treat more complex human medical conditions to be rudimentary in nature, hence the partnerships with human medical professionals.

Dewey, a Beach City native, is a descendant of Captain William Dewey, founder of Beach City. The Dewey family, whose members have frequently led government careers throughout the Delmarva peninsula, has maintained strong connections to Gems for centuries, and were drafters of the first extraterrestrial integration laws. Dewey is also known to be a close friend to Asteria Diamond.

Buddwick Dewey is more commonly known by his alias Buck Dewey, electric/acoustic guitarist for the former band _Sadie Killer And The Suspects_.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's buck. bu(ddwi)ck dewey. i imagine the former mayor dewey would name his kid something city historically relevant like that.


	8. Excerpts- A Single Pale Rose

* * *

**Excerpts from _A Single Pale Rose,_ by Creamrose Pearl Facet-PD02 Ovate-13**

> _**Pearl.** _
> 
> _Yes?_
> 
> _**I'm going to stay and fight for this planet. You don't have to do this with me.** _
> 
> _But I want to!_
> 
> _**I know you do.** _
> 
> _**Please.** _
> 
> _**Please understand. If we lose, we'll be shattered, and if we win, we can never go home.** _
> 
> _Why would I ever want to go home, if you're here?_
> 
> _**My Pearl. You're wonderful.** _

> **_We can leave our old lives behind._ **
> 
> **_I_ ** **_f this is really my world, I want to give it to the Crystal Gems._ **
> 
> **_I want to live here, with human beings. I want to live here with you!_ **
> 
> **_We'll both finally be free._ **

> _And so it was known to all of Gemkind that Rose Quartz, leader of the Crystal Gems, shattered Pink Diamond._
> 
> _But she miscalculated. Her martyred nature had blinded her to other factors._
> 
> _Their love. Their devotion. Their despair._
> 
> _Their rage._
> 
> _Yet even as the Diamonds themselves swarmed upon us in their grief and fury, her orders were unchanged. It was too late now._
> 
> _We had to maintain the lie._

> _We were the only ones left._
> 
> _Homeworld. They were all leaving._
> 
> _We thought we'd won._
> 
> _There was a bright... light, and everyone was..._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bonus points if you can Spot The Crewniverse Comic Reference


	9. Google Search- asteria diamond

* * *

**Aniconism And The Alien- The Rarity Of Diamond Pictures**

_by Dr. Ronaldo Fryman_

Everyone has something to say about our resident Alien Overlords- so why don't they have the pictures to back it up?

There's plenty of pictures of Gems- scroll through any news or social media feed, and I almost guarantee you'll find one within the hour. But for all the internet loves Asteria Diamond, he has a very minimal visual presence. Rather suspicious, isn't it?

Less so, if you examine the facts.

On the first, most obvious note, there simply aren't that many opportunities to take photos. Gems are a eusocial species, preferring to cluster amongst themselves. Human towns that might live in proximity to an Earth settlement will see them, but most Gems don't have the inclination to wander far past that. Gems are also required to take minor courses on human civilization, culture, and laws before being legally permitted to exit proximity city zones unsupervised (Do You Live In A Proximity City?). As a patriarch of Gemkind, His Radiance's first priority is Gems, which already naturally restricts the majority of His movements to Earth settlements and proximity cities, when he's on Earth at all (The Universal Tetrarchy- How Big Is The Gem Empire?).

There's also practical concerns as well. For the most part, it is genuinely physically impossible to render photo and video of the Diamonds using human technology. (I have tried. I have tried so hard. It literally is impossible). Gem bodies emit subtle electromagnetic fields (about equivalent strength to a smartphone or laptop, varying from caste to caste), but the Diamonds especially so, to the point of mass electrical interference or outright technokinesis. As such, the few public photo/video records of Asteria Diamond that do exist had to be made with His cooperative and conscious effort. No paparazzi here, folks.

A third and lesser known reason (yes, there's more)- there are legal barriers around the possession and distribution of the Diamonds' likeness. Gem culture practices a degree of aniconism (Gems And Censorship) concerning the Diamonds- any images bearing the likeness of a Diamond, photographic or otherwise, are heavily restricted and regulated. Even Diamond heraldry follows the same rules. This is a law less enforced by the tetrarchs, but rather Gemkind itself. They prove protective and respectful to their parents to a rather severe degree.

So how do you take a picture of Asteria Diamond? Be polite and ask.

(Don't be sneaky. Your camera will break.)

* * *

_Ronaldo Fryman is a doctor of Xenoanthropology who specializes in the study of Gems (Adstramarmor marmor) and all species in the Adstramarmor genus. Dr. Fryman's newest book, Keep Little Homeworld Weird: 4000 Faces of Gemkind, is in stores now._

* * *


	10. Google Search- tony stark

* * *

# The Rumor Come Out: Does Tony Stark is Gem Hybrid?

**Tony StarK is gem hybrid** is the most discussed in the media in the few years ago. Even it has happened in 2012, but some of the public still curious about what is exactly happening and to be the reason there is a rumor comes out about his gem. At that time he became the massive social networking rumor.

The public, especially his fans are shocked. He just came out with his bad rumor which is spread massively. This time is not about his company, but his bad rumor. The rumor is out of standardize of hoax, according the last reported this billionaire revealed himself as gem hybrid. Do you still believe or not, this rumor is really much talked by people even in a person of his fans.

* * *

**Secret Gem Tech Monopoly** **????**

I'm just saying, Stark Industries used to be one of THE premiere American weapons manufacturers, if not the best in the world. Then the man him self crawls out of Afghanistan and just 180s the entire company??? He just guts the worlds weapons industry in one fell swoop like that. And then All The Sudden he's so buddy buddy with the gem empire. Stark Industries has near exclusive contacts with gem resources and engineers for the sake of "mutual scientific progress" just like that? Just like that? I don't believe it. I Don't Believe It.

And the "arc reactor"?? He says it's just a miniaturized version of his father's projects, but come on. Do we really believe that. Somehow, this supposedly baseline human just no-sells alien mind control and survives pushing a nuke through a worm hole. I Don't Believe It.

Clearly he's come out of some human experimentation with gem technology, maybe even become a forced hybrid himself.

The truth is out ther

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no i won't apologize, you know there would be some 4chan truther out there trying to gun for this theory


	11. r/todayilearned

* * *

**Today I Learned(TIL)**

r/todayilearned

posted by u/kevinfilscher

**TIL Asteria Diamond survived a human assassination attempt, and didn't notice for several hours until the sniper was caught and brought in front of him.**

**chAAAAps** 20 points

meanwhile i can't even get a paper cut without being keeled over. :')

**talkhawk** 5 points

god that's a mood

**MearLofTheNorth** 78 points

I want you to know that his only reaction to the actual shot was "ow. Rude." and then Fucking Went On With His Life

**bootlegKookieKat** 96 points

big teddy roosevelt energy

**DiamondfXckersAnonymous** 81 points

teddy roosevelt was secretly a gem confirmed

**QQCookieCat** 95 points

Ok but how did he react to the sniper

**RIPdustylegs** 125 points

i just looked it up AND HE FUCKING ASKED IF THE GUN WAS HIS NOW-

**SmileyFrowney** 49 points

absolute fucking legend. we stan

**mearlofthen0rth** 99 points

if he didn't even realize he got shot, how did the sniper get caught?

**undertheK'nife** 76 points

One of his bodyguards noticed the bullet trajectory and. Fucking lept after him. The "several hours later" part was interrogation, processing, and sweeping the area for possible accomplices.

**RIPdustylegs** 110 points

apparently the sniper didn't confess until he was brought in front of asteria diamond. broke after five(5) seconds.

**QQCookieCat** 72 points

diamond dad: I'm Not Mad, I'm Just Disappointed

sniper: *breaks down in tears*

**DiamondfXckersAnonymous** 89 points

why would you even want to hurt him? look at him. he's a big pink cotton man.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> user named by the discord  
> this prompt? also brought by the discord


	12. r/gem

* * *

**Discussing our favorite neighbors!**

r/gem

posted by u/LittleHomeworld

 **Your friend and mine, it's Asteria Diamond!** (AMA)

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 24 points

Space pink Jesus, what are your plans for us humans?

**LittleHomeworld** 109 points

What is a Jesus?

(Edit: I have now been informed what a Jesus is. Why is he on your walls? The strange dead man? What is he for?)

**I-eat-flies** 36 points

Good question!

I don't know

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 32 points

PEOPLE WORSHIP HIM?

I THINK?

**LittleHomeworld** 66 points

Why??? He Is Dead? What Does He Provide From Beyond The Mortal Coil?

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 90 points

He's just a guy who died in a cross and people kink him

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 89 points

"people kink jesus" thats cursed

**I-eat-flies** 75 points

REDDITS CANCELLED FOR YOU

**I-eat-flies** 98 points

Roughly, with how many newtons can you bite down on an object?

**LittleHomeworld** 42 points

(This username worries me. Do not eat flies. This sounds unhealthy.)

I don't actually know how hard I can bite down on things. I bit through a rubber hose that one time? And a metal pipe?

**I-eat-flies** 91 points

flies go cronch

**LittleHomeworld** 64 points

No!

**Stripes** 209 points

Asteria Diamond are you god?

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 234 points

He's pink space Jesus dummy

**AnimaDrago487** 567 points

He's Strawberry Ice Cream

**I-eat-flies** 432 points

tasty...

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 564 points

Since gems don't reproduce like humans do they still have romantic relationships?

**kitkat1003** 553 points

Im ace and I still wanna romance what r u on about

**LittleHomeworld** 765 points

Well gosh if they didn't have romance that'd be Big News for me. What would I tell Yellow and Blue Diamond??? Your marriage is cancelled.... I'm sorry.

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 15 points

HAHA

**Stripes** 253 points

Asteria are you even...allowed to marry people?

**LittleHomeworld** 540 points

As in can "I get married", or "can I legally bind people together"? Yes.

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 532 points

Wait /yes to which one/

**tearfullypink** 361 points

asteria are you an ordained minister

**I-eat-flies** 291 points

Sorry, marriage has been cancelled for all gems...

**kirbwithcrocs** 469 points

THERE IS NO SPACE MARRIAGE. EVERYONE GO HOME

**ketchupzeylonensis** 43 points

What's up with the singing-into-talking stuff? 

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 259 points

Yeah when gems talk it gets all buzzy

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 376 points

GEM LANGUAGE

**I-eat-flies** 300 points

If you listen, sometimes you can hear a song behind them... 

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 340 points

THAT IS GEM LANGUAGE

**LittleHomeworld** 478 points

Ah. Gemsong. It's a side effect of our language. I'm afraid that there are some things no amount of telepathic harmonization can erase...

**"Connor"** 25 points

Could you loan me your fleets and armies for a few days, Asteria Diamond, *please*?

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 99 points

Considering New York is still wrecked I suggest putting a hold on alien invasions or regular earth takeovers, I'm still waiting for the pizza place to get rebuild, have some respect

**LittleHomeworld** 12 points

Connor you can't discuss classified military operations over the internet. Meet me in my office in 3 hours or I'm signing you for a lecture on internet literacy.

**lucifurnace** 678 points

asteria have you met any of the avengers? follow up, what are they like?

**Stripes** 764 points

Asteria diamond, whose the hottest avenger?

**LittleHomeworld** 856 points

Doctor Banner has a very borderline concerning body temperature...

**Stripes** 769 points

/you know thats not what i meant mr diamond man/

**kirbwithcrocs** 439 points

have you arm wrestled any of the avengers

**ketchupzeylonensis** 501 points

follow-up question, did you win

**I-eat-flies** 432 points

Follow up to the follow up, can you beat all of them in an arm wrestle

**ketchupzeylonensis** 300 points

follow up to the follow up follow up can you beat all of them at once?

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 589 points

I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SEE ASTERIA ARM WRESTLE AN AVENGER

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was created as a co-operative RP event in the aenor_llelo's AO3 Discord server! Using the Discord extension Tupperbot, I was able to act as "Asteria Diamond", and the other chat members (many of whom adopted pseuds for the purpose) acted as the questioners.
> 
> This is not the full transcript. Some parts were cut to maintain formatting and coherency. Others are being moved on into the next chapter.
> 
> ("Connor", I had to cut some of your text because it was so context dependent, but it stays preserved in the discord chatlog.)


	13. r/gem

* * *

**Discussing our favorite neighbors!**

r/gem

posted by u/LittleHomeworld

 **Your friend and mine, it's Asteria Diamond!** (AMA)

**magazinescoffeebeans** 609 points

how have you dealt with the influx of human beings "identifying" with gem culture and adopting "gemsonas"? do you consider this cultural appropriation? is it more like being a furry? is it _kinning_? does it make you uncomfortable?

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 45 points

WHATS KINNING

**magazinescoffeebeans** 157 points

honestly? I really don't even know where to begin

**tearfullypink** 68 points

does he even know what kinning is tho

**ketchupzeylonensis** 200 points

does anyone

**kirbwithcrocs** 159 points

does he even know what a furry is

**chadneedsSLEEP** 245 points

~~asteria diamond is a sugar glider furry~~

**LittleHomeworld** 578 points

What's a furry? I don't know this word Connie Connie what does this

(Edit: I have been told what a furry is. I still don't understand)

**depressedwaterqueen** 320 points

No one does, don't worry

**ketchupzeylonensis** 608 points

Animals but tall.

**LittleHomeworld** 879 points

Tall animals. Am I a tall animal? I am alive and tall.

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 201 points

I WISH I WAS TALL

**depressedwaterqueen** 156 points

haha, suffer in shortness

**kirbwithcrocs** 768 points

Asteria Diamond Confirmed Alive And Tall

**Stripes** 432 points

Do gems count as alive? do you guys have heartbeats?

**LittleHomeworld** 478 points

Gems do not have heartbeats!

**Stripes** 698 points

...does is asteria vampire yes?

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 899 points

Most gems use she/her pronouns, any reason why you use he/him?

**LittleHomeworld** 905 points

Our language does not have pronouns. Other peoples use he/him pronouns on my behalf. It doesn't matter much to me either way.

**lupinequeen13** 43 points

Neat

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 653 points

gems said fuck gender

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 876 points

GENDER DOES NOT EXIST

**magazinescoffeebeans** 564 points

Asteria Diamond says trans rights

**kirbwithcrocs** 444 points

we did it bois. gender is no more

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 743 points

the gem genders fought in the war and died, gender is no more

**LittleHomeworld** 981 points

People keep talking about this gender thing. I feel like I'm missing something but I don't know what.

**depressedwaterqueen** 321 points

What gems have the most unique teeth?

**LittleHomeworld** 236 points

Have you ever seen a Lapis Lazuli's teeth? Pretty neat. Like Earth cuttlefish.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was created as a co-operative RP event in the aenor_llelo's AO3 Discord server! Using the Discord extension Tupperbot, I was able to act as "Asteria Diamond", and the other chat members (many of whom adopted pseuds for the purpose) acted as the questioners.
> 
> This is not the full transcript. Some parts were cut to maintain formatting and coherency. Others are being moved on into the next chapter.


	14. r/gem

* * *

**Discussing our favorite neighbors!**

r/gem

posted by u/LittleHomeworld

**Your friend and mine, it's Asteria Diamond!** (AMA)

**Stripes** 546 points

Asteria diamond whats the difference between earth non gem diamonds and gem diamonds in composition?

**LittleHomeworld** 685 points

Well I can say the words good. Earth diamond can't say words. Earth diamond doesn't have to calculate voter's curves on Stephano Alpha. Square up, Earth diamond. Pull your weight.

**NotaRock** 796 points

Its so cool you are having an ama Asteria Diamond! If you don't mind telling us, whats your opinions on Human x gem relationships?

**LittleHomeworld** 690 points

Humans are cute!

**Stripes** 1.1 K points

actually! Asteria diamond, are you aware of any other alien species'?

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 979 points

Besides the ones who constantly wreck the earth?

Also, what's the whole deal with aliens wanting the earth thing?

**LittleHomeworld** 1K points

Oh, lots.

**heyitshailei.b** 798 points

asteria, are you aware of global warming? if so, how mad are you about it?

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 690 points

Space pink Jesus save us from global warming

**LittleHomeworld** 1.3 K points

I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed.

**I-eat-flies** 988 points

OH GOD

**heyitshailei.b** 765 points

truth. im disappointed too

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 687 points

OH NO

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 999 points

Do you have any plans on dealing with global warming?

**LittleHomeworld** 2.3 K points

We're working on it! The Earth will be OK. You will be OK. You have no choice.

**heyitshailei.b** 566 points

thats...ominous

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 546 points

Ominous protection, nice

**kirbwithcrocs** 888 points

hi what the Fuck does this mean

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 782 points

EARTH IS FINE :)

**I-eat-flies** 974 points

I have never been so threatened and glad at the same time

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 788

Asteria: Everyting will be fine, OR ELSE

**magazinescoffeebeans** 435 points

how do gem social classes work? do you have capitalism? currency?

**LittleHomeworld** 555 points

Money. I am aware of this money. It is very strange. Why? It is objectively worthless? Imagination resources....

**Satan** 899 points

Diamond Daddy

**AnimaDrago9487** 999 points

No

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 989 points

Dude no

There's a very thin line here, and you're crossing it

Space pink Jesus is baby

Leave him alone

**kirbwithcrocs** 1.4 K points

how do you guys Space Communicate without any lag. what is this magic

**LittleHomeworld** 989 points

Well you see it involves a lot of warp technology

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 555 points

GEM TECHNOLOGY DOES NOT LAG, HUMAN TECHNOLOGY, MEANWHILE, IS SO PRONE TO LAGGING

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 1.2 K points

Asteria diamond, what powers a gem? you must have an energy resource intake no?

**LittleHomeworld** 777 points

I will eat the sun.

(Edit: Sunlight. We eat light.)

**ketchupzeylonensis** 745 points

gems are plants confirmed

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 921 points

follow up question: what does the sun taste like

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 444 points

IT TASTE LIKES LIGHT

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 954 points

what does light... taste like

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 643 points

I DON'T KNOW

I DON'T HAVE TASTEBUDS

**ForbiddenSong** 2.1 K points

Asteria, does human jewelry that has... well for a lack of a better phrase "Non Sentient Gems" make you uncomfortable?

**LittleHomeworld** 994 points

Jewelry is rather strange. Rocks. You wear them. Heavy and fragile and without purpose...

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was created as a co-operative RP event in the aenor_llelo's AO3 Discord server! Using the Discord extension Tupperbot, I was able to act as "Asteria Diamond", and the other chat members (many of whom adopted pseuds for the purpose) acted as the questioners.
> 
> This is not the full transcript. Some parts were cut to maintain formatting and coherency. Others are being moved on into the next chapter.
> 
> (OH GOD THIS TRANSCRIPT IS LONGER THAN A TOURNAMENT ARC)


	15. r/gem

* * *

**Discussing our favorite neighbors!**

r/gem

posted by u/LittleHomeworld

 **Your friend and mine, it's Asteria Diamond!** (AMA)

**mommaduck** 2.1 K points

not a question, but my kiddo Clay saw you on the TV during the whole New York mess, and they said they wanted to grow up to be like the ‘Big pink candy man’ :)

**ketchupzeylonensis** 509 points

candy man! candy man!

**LittleHomeworld** 1.9 K points

Oh boy that's a lot of growing. Good luck clay!

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 1.7 K points

Wait for a few years until Asteria grows tired of the humans bullshit and takes over the earth

**tearfullypink** 976 points

I'd let him

**AnimaDrago9487** 1.5 K points

Bold of you to assume he didn't already

**ketchupzeylonensis** 113 points

what are your opinions on having bones?

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 785 points

WHAT ARE BONES

**LittleHomeworld** 2.4 K points

Bones are good and useful for many practical purposes, such as trade :)

**I-eat-flies** 1 K points

I'm sorry

WHAT

WHOSE BONES DO YOU HAVE

**LittleHomeworld** 996 points

I have bones and they are mine. Why do you ask

**cheesy** 706 points

Bone currency???? Hello????????

**tearfullypink** 1.6 K points

can you take my bones for trade?

**kirbwithcrocs** 1.8 K points

what, and may i also add, the fuck

 **LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 999 points

TAKE MY BONES

**LittleHomeworld** 793 points

That seems medically unsound!

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 1.3 K points

Release me from living. I shall become bone money

**kai.pond** 2.1 K points

Country bones

**lupinequeen13** 556 points

So my friend told me that they'd found some sort of illegal candy trading ring and swears it's run by Gems. Is this true?

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 742 points

I CANNOT CONFIRM NOR DENY THIS

**LittleHomeworld** 1.9 K points

I don't recall illegalizing fun.

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 999 points

ANARCHY

**kirbwithcrocs** 1.1 K points

THE FUN IS BACK IN TOWN

**MuddyMind** 1.5 K points

Can all gems produce some type of.... healing fluid, or is it just the diamonds? Or just you? How does making fluid even work when gems are....light? Projections? Jeez how is some projected light stronger then ill ever be

**LittleHomeworld** 1.4 K points

Only the Diamonds. That's mom power, babe-y!

**ketchupzeylonensis** 1.1 K points

mom power

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 333 points

WISH I COULD HEAL, BUT I AM ONLY A TECHNICIAN

**lightanddarklove** 782 points

Does His Luminance have any opinions on podcasts? If so, name a few favorites!

**LittleHomeworld** 897 points

Connie tells me about a podcast made by three brothers, but I keep never getting around to it...

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 1.9 K points

Does his radiance, Space Pink Jesus, friend shaped, actual baby, m'diamond, likes memes?

**LittleHomeworld** 2.4 K points

I don't know what a meme is and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.

**I-eat-flies** 1.7 points

We all are, oh great one

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 2.3 K points

Wow Asteria is a boomer

**tearfullypink** 1.9 K points

wait asteria how do you pronounce meme

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 200 points

I LIKE MEMES

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day, man. One day I'll be free of this unholy AMA transcript.
> 
> BUT TODAY IS NOT THAT DAY-


	16. r/gem

* * *

**Discussing our favorite neighbors!**

r/gem

posted by u/LittleHomeworld

 **Your friend and mine, it's Asteria Diamond!** (AMA)

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 956 points

hey asteria diamond, do you like anime?

**LittleHomeworld** 2 K points

IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I WILL

(EDIT: I have been told not to indulge you.)

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 653 points

you should watch Puella Magi Madoka magica, it's a really fun and sweet anime......

**Gengar &Dragons9487 **1 K points

no

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 1.1 K points

do N O T

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 784 points

Ow O

**Gengar &Dragons9487** 999 points

Sailor Star

**Stripes** 846 points

Sailor Asteria

**tearfullypink** 1.3 K points

asteria is a sailor scout confirmed

**koi** 885 points

It's hard to imagine a Diamond watching our strange human shows, but I saw what I think was an Agate crying over anime at a bakery last week so who knows.

**I-eat-flies** 1.2 K points

Are there any friendly other alien species that may consider visiting Earth?

**LittleHomeworld** 978 points

Well the Aesir and Vanir are fun to be around! Real troopers

**SlickWick** 1.4 K points

I wish they taught Written Gem at schools, its a much more helpful second language than French, ugh.

**Gengar &Dragons9487** 666 points

tell me about it

**LittleHomeworld** 1.3 K points

You can always come down to Little Homeschool and learn how :)

**I-eat-flies** 1.4 points

FRENCH? CANCELLED. WRITTEN GEM? YUP, IM IN!

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 896 points

I CAN TEACH YOU MAYBE

**lupinequeen13** 1.2 K points

Do Gems have any sports?

**LittleHomeworld** 1.1 K points

Hit The Diamond is pretty fun!

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 1.2 K points

BASEBALL

**ketchupzeylonensis** 555 points

why baseball

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 1 K points

BEACAUSE ITS FUN

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 1.3 K points

whomst taught gems baseball

**LittleHomeworld** 1.1 K points

I did!

**koi** 2.3 K points

ASTERIA IS A JOCK

**Stripes** 1.5 K points

asteria how do you know BASEBALL?

**LittleHomeworld** 1.6 K points

Oh, you know ;)

**ketchupzeylonensis** 1.3 K points

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

**cheesy** 965 points

We... we do not know.........

**tearfullypink** 1.4 K points

do gems have any of their own gem sports?

**LittleHomeworld** 1.2 K points

Does ritual combat count as a sport?

**ketchupzeylonensis** 2 K points

asteria diamond what book/show/such media would you reccomend as pink space jesus?

**LittleHomeworld** 1.6 K points

I would recommend you DON'T read The Giving Tree. Why? Why does the tree give everything away even as it kills her? That's Terrible...

**ketchupzeylonensis** 1.9 K points

asteria diamond kills a book (2012 colorized)

**SoupShirt** 993 points

Should gems be allowed in competitive human sports? I don't want to discriminate but the Gems have an obvious advantage.

**LittleHomeworld** 875 points

Human sports are like a job or something. We aren't going to mess with your livelihoods.

**koi** 1.1 K points

I once saw a Quartz (I think a jasper or amethyst?) destroy some kids in a game of frisbee golf. Their pride will forever be broken.

**PocaPocket** 1.6 K points

Do gems perceive human music any differently? Do we sometimes seem out of tune or diharmoneous to Gem hearing?

**LittleHomeworld** 2.6 K points

The Vocaloid? I understand nothing. I hear the sounds and there is Nothing. What does it mean...

I think the Vocaloid is supposed to have words, but I don't understand them. I think it's because its not a person.

**cheesy** 3 K points

Can’t believe Asteria can’t understand miku...... my day is ruined......

**Redw00d** 3.2 K points

[A badly photoshopped image of Asteria Diamond's face on miku.] World is his!! : - )

**tearfullypink** 1 K points

asteria is miku confirmed

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 1 K points

VOCALOID SOUNDS WEIRD

I DON'T LIKE IT

THOUGH THIS MIKU SEEMS TO BE "ICONIC" IN HUMAN CULTURE

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 1.4 K points

[LINK] here is the bes t song

**LitteAnnoyingBluebird** 1 K points

Asteria Diamond, that's Japanese, those are Words

**LittleHomeworld** 2 K points

Is this a human stroke? Am I having a stroke?

**PocaPocket** 1.2 K points

Can gems have a stroke???

**LittleHomeworld** 1.3 K points

Oh boy I sure hope not!

**tearfullypink** 1.8 K points

you mean you dont know??

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 1.7 K points

[LINK] here, a cover version. is this better?

**LittleHomeworld** 1.5 K points

Oh. I understand everything now.

**lupinequeen13** 2 K points

Wait, so Gems can't hear electronic voices?

**mommaduck** 2.1 K points

who is your favorite avenger?

**LittleHomeworld** 2.4 K points

Doctor Stark is a fun guy to be around! My engineers are probably in love.

**NOTPERIDOT5XG** 998 points

YES MR. STARK IS AN INTERESTING MAN

**K3vinT1me** 444 points

How does it feel knowing you're going to outlive everyone in this AMA?

**LittleHomeworld** 3 K points

Well that just means I'm also going to outlive you, isn't it.

**ChadneedsSLEEP** 1.3 K points

did m'diamond just roast a guy

**cheesy** 1.7 K points

I feel oddly attacked

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELL! I AM IN HELL! I AM NEVER FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
> 
> of this transcript
> 
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


	17. Youtube- history of the gem war, i guess by bill wurtz (Transcript)

* * *

in the year negative a billion, there was an old man star in the middle of nowhere. pretty cool right?

and then the star exploded. there was a rock inside. A fancy rock. a diamond. but it had, like feelings or something. and that feeling was "wow i'm lonely".

"wow i'm lonely" said the rock.

and then the lonely rock exploded more stars to make more rocks. more Diamonds. yellow, blue, and pink.

"wow i'm perfect" said the rock that made all the other rocks. "i'm perfect and i was here first so you all have to listen to me."

"i'm five seconds old but that makes sense" said the other rocks.

and so they all got together and made more rocks, called GemsTM. all the different kinds of rock had different jobs, and if they tried to do something different than their designated rock job they got smashed into tiny pieces. and the diamond's job was to be better than everybody and be in charge, and Make More Rocks. And they were called The Great Diamond Authority.

(except for pink diamond. pink diamond helped make rocks, but the other diamonds thought she was a baby and didn't let her have any real responsibilities. so she just threw parties about how great the other diamonds were while being mad about it for the next few million years.)

and they made more rocks by stabbing magic diamond juice into the ground. but they started running out of ground to stab so they sent some rocks out into space to find more dirt to stab. that's how The Gem Empire was made. This time period was called **Era 1**.

"hey" said pink diamond. "give me a real job"

"no" said the other diamonds, giving her a floating garden in space and a personal imaginary friend.

"ok fine" said the other diamonds, and then they gave her a planet to stab magic diamond juice into called Earth.

(also at some point she made another diamond and didn't tell the other diamonds about it. that's asteria diamond. he matters in a few million years, so keep an eye out.)

so pink diamond started stabbing magic diamond juice into the planet.

"this sucks", said pink diamond. "this sucks. i'm bored"

"why don't you take a walk" said her pearl-butler.

"wow that's great you're a fucking genius why didn't I think of that before" said pink diamond, disguising herself as a Peasant.

and then she took a walk. her butler was there. they took a walk and stared at Flowers And Stuff. and humans.

"wow, shit's wild, yo," said pink diamond. "things are alive here. too bad all of it's going to die when I finish stabbing the ground with magic diamond juice **wait a fucking second** -"

"hey" said pink diamond.

"what" said the other diamonds.

"i don't wanna stab earth anymore. can we stop?"

"no" said the other diamonds.

"no u," said pink diamond, disguising herself as a Peasant **TM** and starting a civil war.

"hi i'm rose quartz and the diamonds should fuck off" said pink diamond disguised as a rose quartz.

"wow i totally believe you, rose quartz" said all the other gems, preparing for battle.

and then they fought for like a thousand years.

"wow" said rose quartz actually pink diamond. "this sucks. this is gonna take forever."

"can we go home" said actually pink diamond.

"no" said the other diamonds. "as long as you're here you have to do your job".

"wow, you're so right" said pink diamond.

"hey" said pink diamond to her pearl-butler. "let's fake my assassination and never tell anyone"

"i don't like this but okay" said the butler.

**And Then They Staged The Most High Profile Political Assassination In Gem History**

And that was called **Era 2**.

"wow i am so fucking mad" said the other diamonds, throwing a magic nuke at the earth to destroy all the gems there. (except it didn't work, they all just kind of turned into monsters).

now there's only three gems left on earth who aren't monsters. rose quartz actually pink diamond, her pearl-butler, and a fusion. _wait that's actually four gems_ -

"well this sucks but at least we won probably" said The Crystal Gems.

and then they spent their days travelling the world, collecting all the gem monsters so they can't hurt anyone.

and then there was this other gem that didn't get turned into a monster because she was born like a thousand years too late or something.

also asteria diamond is around maybe. No One Really Knows For Sure.

Meanwhile back on homeworld, there's a **spicy resource crisis** because one of the diamonds needed to stab magic diamond juice into the ground is gone now. but they couldn't do anything about it. so the gems made during that time were, like, slightly wimpier than before. but other than that everything was the same.

Meanwhile back on earth, the crystal gems.

so they hopped around the world for like 5,000 years.

"welp i'm tired. guess i'll die. you're in charge now" said pink diamond, dying and leaving everything to asteria diamond. except he didn't know he was a diamond, because that would require he knew pink diamond's secret. which he didn't.

"well this is the worst thing that ever happened, but at least the earth is still safe. definitely."

but the crystal gems were Wrong.

homeworld gems started coming back to earth to check on A Secret Bomb Made Of Like, Dead Bodies Or Something that was rigged to explode the earth.

"wow that's so fucked up" said the crystal gems. also there's more of them now. and then they defused the bomb. but even more homeworld gems started coming to earth.

"hey wait is that rose quartz" said every homeworld gem who saw asteria diamond.

"what, no"

"haha nice try rose quartz" said the homeworld gems, kidnapping asteria diamond and bringing him to homeworld.

then they put rose quartz actually asteria diamond on trial.

"did you murder pink diamond" said the diamonds.

"i don't know whats happening right now, but sure let's go with that" said asteria diamond.

(because only pink diamond's butler-pearl knew what happened and she wasn't allowed to say anything.)

"wait actually this doesn't make sense. this is bullshit. this crime scene is bullshit, this assassination is bullshit"

and asteria diamond escaped back to earth. eventually the butler-pearl found out a way to tell everyone so that was neat.

"wow this makes so much more sense now" said everyone else.

"also you're a diamond" she added to asteria diamond.

"wait what"

And then the diamonds came down to earth.

"hello we are here to kill you for killing pink diamond"

"that's not what happened also hi i'm a diamond" said asteria diamond.

"well shit" said the diamonds. "guess we have to stop fighting now"

(white diamond took slightly longer to convince, but she got there.)

And that was the start of **Era 3.**

Which was an explosion of 

-Friendliness

-Self Care

-Technological Advancement

-Medical Sciences

and other such fun things.

(also there was that one time where pink diamond's imaginary friend wasn't so imaginary and went down to earth to Get Mad.)

and i guess the diamonds kind of own the earth now, like weird landlords anyway that's it _bye_

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway kids, bill wurtz is hilarious


	18. MoMA- centipeetle.

* * *

**MoMA**

**Art and Artists**

**centipeetle.**

_Centipeetle_ (stylized as _centipeetle._ ) is a short film that premiered as part of the 2011 November-December exhibit of Era 3 Post-Asterism art in the Museum of Modern Art.

Animated by Nephrite Facet-413 Cabochon-12, edited/directed by Peridot Facet-2F5L Trilliant-5XG, and narrated by Asteria Diamond, _centipeetle._ is the recreation of a real conversation that occured between Nephrite-12 and Asteria Diamond during the last years of The Gem War. Nephrite-12 had been the test subject of an early effort to uncorrupt Gems, and had at that time been partially restored. Nephrite-12, of mostly sound mind but still unable to speak, was able to communicate with images and writing, and these communications were later used as the first story board for _centipeetle._

The simplistic, almost childish animation style of _centipeetle._ puts harsh contrast to its content. Starting relatively innocent, it begins with Asteria Diamond re-teaching Nephrite-12 to draw, being rewarded with an image of Nephrite-12 and Asteria Diamond holding hands as she remembers their friendship. However, when she begins to reminisce on the past, it becomes more and more jarring to watch as stick figures are euphemistically scribbled off the screen, simplistic but imposing figures command childishly proportioned figures to war, and little crayon explosions are interspersed with actual photographs of discorporated Gems, exploded diagrams of warships, war propaganda, and stills of abandoned Gem battlefields.

No less jarring is the outside narrator of Asteria Diamond himself as he haltingly pieces together Nephrite-12's story. His voice is unsettlingly calm but distantly wavering while the content of his narration becomes more frantic, before being silenced entirely as the film depicts the corruption. This final act of war is rendered as a ringing static scribble of white that slowly, unstoppably invades the entire screen, ending with the Era 2 symbol of the Diamond Authority harshly imposing itself in monochrome while all sound cuts away except for a warbling, animalistic cry- symbolizing both the initial corruption itself, and Nephrite-12's eventual breakdown and regression to a fully corrupted state shortly after the conversation.

_centipeetle._ is a simplistic, unsettling, and unapologetic narrative of war, trauma, and mental illness.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the peridot mentioned is indeed the crystal gem peridot. like eyeball in _exit left_ , I untruncated her file name to be more specific.
> 
> steven and connie's visit to MoMA in _godspeed you Stargirl_ was actually to visit this exhibit.


	19. Google Search- news

* * *

**First Alien Cultural Anthology Now Available For Purchase**

The widely anticipated release of _The Skald's Edda_ is now available in paper and digital formats.

_The Skald's Edda,_ written and self-published by Connie Maheswaran (NYU poli-sci/sociology major, First Knight of Asteria Diamond), is a written transcription of Asgardian oral history, drawn from a series of interviews conducted between the First Knight and a set of Asgardian _skálds_ she first met in a diplomatic mission to Asgard.

It covers both mythic and historical accounts as they are preserved to the standard of Asgard's royal house, and has been given seals of authentication by the participant _skálds_ , as well as Thor Odinson, crown prince of Asgard. It has, additionally, been preserved in the Intergalactic Encyclopedic Database of the Gem Empire.

The book is the first of its kind, an official compilation of non-human bodies of literature, and has been endorsed as part of the Empire's efforts to preserve and share the culture of other civilizations.

_Edda_ is also fully illustrated in the style of Asgardian illuminated manuscripts.

Notable is the First Knight's decision to bar the book from being sold at any price higher than 10 US dollars, citing accesibility and the right to learn regardless of economic status.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> publisher: you can't just sell the world's first alien cultural anthology, which is the size of a physic texbook, for less then ten dollars
> 
> connie, flipping off the publisher as she self-publishes and launches a gempire endorsed publicity campaign about the freedom of knowledge: BET?


	20. Twitter- @KeepBeachCityWeird

* * *

**Keep New York Weird**

@KeepBeachCityWeird

Dr. Ronaldo Fryman, PhD., Xenoanthropology

(o) Beach City [#] Joined August 2006

 **13** Following **57.4 K** Followers

* * *

**Keep New York Weird** @KeepBeachCityWeird * _May 15_

The Diamonds are 100% gods fite me. 

**SirDippingSauce** @MysterySauce * _May 15_

Challenge fucking accepted

|

 **SirDippingSauce** @MysterySauce * _May 15_

They aren't gods just really powerful aliens, i've read the research.

**SpiderPig** @SpiderPig * _May 16_

 **@MysterySauce** No swearing! 

**Keep New York Weird** @KeepBeachCityWeird * _May 16_

 **@SirDippingSauce** I wrote the research

**SirDippingSauce** @MysterySauce * _May 16_

 **@KeepBeachCityWeird** So you'll agree that they did in fact not create the universe?

**Keep New York Weird** @KeepBeachCityWeird * _May 16_

 **@SirDippingSauce** Thats not the only modifier for godhood.

**SirDippingSauce** @MysterySauce * _May 16_

 **@KeepBeachCityWeird** They also didn't create us.

**KeepNewYorkWeird** @KeepBeachCityWeird * _May 16_

 **@SirDippingSauce** True, but I never stated they were our gods.

**SirDippingSauce** @MysterySauce * May 17

...Oh.

**Keep New York Weird** @KeepBeachCityWeird * _May 17_

 **@SirDippingSauce** FUCKING OH INDEED SIR.

They fufill the same parametres as Gods for the gem species. The eldest of them White Diamond, in fact herself created the entirety of the firs gemeration from her own...er Ichor (AD hasnt confirmed what we should call it yet)

Therefore they are gods. (Of the gem species)

**SirDippingSauce** @MysterySauce * _May 17_

 **@KeepBeachCityWeird** But thats cuturally.

**Keep New York Weird** @KeepBeachCityWeird * _May 17_

 **@SirDippingSauce** Does it really matter to us as a alien species wether they are gods or not in gem culture though? We can't control their culture and my god the diamonds are powerful enough to give a creator (if there is one) a run for their money.

**SirDippingSauce** @MysterySauce * _May 18_

 **@KeepBeachCityWeird** I guess not?

You should clarify your statment in the future though. I agree with the idea of The Diamonds being cultural Gods for the gem kind.

**KeepNewYorkWeird** @KeepBeachCityWeird * _May 19_

Oh probably?

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first Aliens Steal Cable chapter to be written by Falrisesi! (I just formatted it)  
> -Aenor


	21. r/todayilearned

* * *

**Today I Learned (TIL)**

r/todayilearned

posted by u/shineshine

**TIL Gems have barbed tongues.**

**archimicarushasaneightpack** 90 points

excuse me what the fuck

**shineshine** 150 points

listen. buddy. my guy. you think i'm handling this any better than you are? Answer Is No

**IronStan** 200 points

Gems really are just alien cats, huh?

**chAAAps** 21 points

OP what the fuck does that mean

**IronStan** 34 points

did

did you not know that cats have barbed tongues

**chAAAps** 33 points

dear diary, i was today years old-

**DeservesNegativeRights** 597 points

gems are furry bait confirmed

**DiamondfXckersAnonymous** 653 points

BLOCKED

**DeservesNegativeRights** 222 points

unblock me i have to tell you something

**DiamondfXckersAnonymous** 119 points

go on

**DeservesNegativeRights** 700 points

gems are monsterfucker bait

**Spacetrain2theKosmos** 999 points

Tongue bones...

**talkhawk** 897 points

you're right, but you shouldn't say it

**bootlegKookieKat** 445 points

ok but Why

**KeepBeachCityWeird** 709 points

A number of reasons!

-The shape of the barbs retain and spread more saliva, which creates a more acute sense of taste for compositional analysis, and well as collecting more material.

-The barbs are retractable, like claws. Combined with the retractability of their teeth, it modulates the properties of gemsong!

-Body language purposes.

**bootlegKookieKat** 554 points

oh shit i wasn't expecting an actual answer

tbh, i'm just more horrified than before...

**FixingHealing** 1 K

oh boy can't wait for when the diamondfuckers find out

**IronStan** 1.3 K

DON'T SUMMON THEM-

**DiamondfXckersAnonymous** 1.4 K

t o o l a t e

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've released my free-to-read original series, Oddwick Isles! it's like an urban fantasy, except the fantasy is people trusting the cops.
> 
> imagine the worst welcome to nightvale/brooklyn 99 mashup you never asked for, but gayer and i've never watched b99. just An Ordinary Slice Of Life Of The People Of Oddwick Isles, Yes Siree
> 
> you can read it here- https://tapas.io/series/Oddwick-Isles


	22. r/rockclimbers

* * *

**Rockclimbing, If You Know What I Mean**

r/rockclimbers

posted by u/takemetosnurch

 **I was today years old when I found the Gem archival footage of Asteria Diamond's coronation.** [LINK]

**PM_M** **E_YOUR_ROCK** 999 points

showed up to his own coronation just to go "got better shit to do lmao bye" what kind of big dick energy,

**DiamondDaddy** 1.2 K points

Now that's one god I can get behind

**RockAndRoll85** 600 points

Damn astria really did just go "ait imma head out"

**MrUniverseDILF** 2.4 K points

asteria diamond after ascending to the space dictatorship throne, colorized:

[A GIF of someone saying "screw you guys, i'm going home."]

**DiamondDaddy** 885 points

He really just went “nah, I got a wife”

**OWO_notices_your_gem** 55 points

gasp

a baby!

**RockHardForRocks** 2.2 K points

Diamond Dad, more like, Diamond bab

**diamonddanger** 174 points

oh my god yes

**PM_ME_YOUR_ROCK** 1.9 K points

ok ok ok so i was basically listening to that entire first part (lovely voices) and i want to point out a few things:

1\. they're singing in perfect harmony, this is literally not even a joke, a perfect harmony and considering how hard it is to hear gemsong in recordings *this is some serious stuff*

2\. THE DIAMONDS SANG, WHAT

3\. I have Suspicions that the orchestra is actually a bunch of gems singing in loose unison but i cant really put my finger on it, maybe intentionally not making sense, but just singing?

4\. They're saying "steven"(???) over and over, now, i remember some theories on this subreddit that's astria, but im not sure yet

Edit: HOLY SH- IT IS ASTRA, WHAT THE HECK

5\. "even with us at our worst" ok so considering when this was taken, this was just after the liberation of the gem empire?? if so, that explains why m'diamonds are absolutely huge here, and it's not the footage of the angle messing it up

6\. can someone confirm that B was singing "half-half", or "hybrid" or "semi" or something along the lines of that word? i didn't hear it that well

7\. on that note, what was Y singing just thereafter? "human song of a-" what exactly? i cant exactly put my finger on it, but it felt something like plants, pink-ish color, and/or medieval fighting?

8\. can someone back me up on that full name? "steven" and then something else?

**diamonddanger** 555 points

Hey, is the footage all staticky in the middle for you guys too?

**RockAndRoll85**

I think the footage is corrupted? look at the difference in scenes between the two, W had a book in her hands???

**IWannaRock** 2.3 K points

FORBIDDEN GEM BIBLE

**takemetosnurch** 4.5 K

Hi, OP here! There was a sermon after the song that was cut from the archival footage. The book is probably also in the Intergalactic Encyclopedic Database that this video came from and thus the reading was considered redundant.

**TheGamersApprentice(TGA)** 4K points

Okay so they really just went "Human son of a Rose" in this bitch, Camp halfblooders where u at??

**GemsAreMyDiamonds** 201 points

GEM BIBLE

**RockAndRollMe** 2 K points

Everytime I See White Diamond I Understand Religion

**RubyRider** 220 points

I would like to ask Blue Diamond for her hand in marriage ;;;o;;;;

**DiamondDaddy** 1.3 K points

Friendship ended with snurch, diamonds are my gods now

**MiningObsidian** 589 points

THEY'RE EVEN BIGGER THAN I IMAGINED

**DiamondDaddy** 3 K points

i wonder if they’re bigger in other ways ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

**ScaleThatGemLikeACLIFFTM** 3.2 K points

I leave for five minutes for coffee and all the sudden my phone is blowing up. Guess big ol white diamond footage is how I die.

**ScaleThatGemLikeACLIFFTM** 2.1 K points

Oh also... Asteria was baby baby. Wanna wrap them in a blanket and make sure they're ok T.T

**FriendlyBunchilla** 999 points

Oh my goodness. He's so... widdle

**betweenagemandahardplace** 969 points

must protect the diamond babie,,,,,hes so SMOL

**diamonddanger** 354 points

So smol

**OWO_notices_your_gem** 2.5 K

Blue Diamond is thicc

**OWO_notices_your_gem** 225 points

give me gold, cowards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was another co-operative Discord event! It will be hell to transcript, But I Am Strong.


	23. r/rockclimbers

* * *

**Rockclimbing, If You Know What I Mean**

r/rockclimbers

posted by u/takemetosnurch

 **I was today years old when I found the Gem archival footage of Asteria Diamond's coronation.** [LINK]

**WokeGemFinder** 111 points

ok reddit he said "my beach house" you know what to do

**DiamondDaddy** 997 points

Reddit, lets raid his house!

**3Hobbits** 11 K points

... Reddit, let's not raid his house and respect his privacy.

**DiamondDaddy** 452 points

no

**sami** 4.5 K points

Literally dont be toxic guys,,,,

**FriendlyBunchilla** 224 points

This absolute embodiment of precious babey is Asteria Diamond?

**3Hobbits** 113 points

Apparently!?

**RockHardForRocks** 2.5 K points

Bold of you to assume that Asteria isn't always babey

**betweenagemandahardplace** 1.6 K points

i want to steal asteria away and protect them from the horrors of the future

**sami** 3.4 K points

Imagine showing up to your coronation and then just fucking leaving,,,, like sAME

**DiamondDaddy** 1.2 K points

He’s such a fucking mood

**MiningObsidian** 2.6 K points

Anyone know why White said "Cut the feed"?

also, astria baby

**DiamondDaddy** 33 points

I would guess it went wrong?

**GemflixAndChill** 5 K points

so is noone gonna comment on how they just got all sad when Asteria's like "im gunna go home"

**betweenagemandahardplace** 1.1 K points

she probably didn't expect Asteria to nope the fuck out of there

**diamonddanger** 3.6 K points

Astria probably wasn’t supposed to say the stuff about the beach house.

**MiningObsidian** 854 points

so she went off script?? that's even more weird

**3Hobbits** 2.7 K points

White seems kinda of "Lorge Mom Protecc" so... probably something like that with the feed cut

**3Hobbits** 6.8 K points

Speaking of which... Can White Diamond please come to my personal home and drink tea and raise my children with me?

**RockHardForRocks** 8 K points

Can White Diamond come to my personal home and just step on me

**betweenagemandahardplace** 222 points

same

**repostsleuthbot** 3 K points

Raid Diamond Daddys beach house, they can stop all of us but why should we care?

**sami** 4.6 K points

No stalking

**3Hobbits** 7 K points

I started typing "how would you like it if Asteria broke into your house" and then I remembered what sub-reddit I was in XD

**takemetosnurch** 226 points

Pretty sure it's impossible to do that, Gems don't really allow humans to loiter and they're like- super protective of the Diamonds.

**RockHardForRocks** 2.7 K points

Can't blame them toh, considering they're pretty much Gods and all

**velour** 5 K points

I must admire you from afar Blue Diamond

**sami** 5.9 K points

How can someone millions of years old look so baby

**PM_ME_YOUR_ROCK** 3.1 K points

lots of skin care

**DiggingForThoseDiamonds** 228 points

they're shapeshifters dude

**FriendlyBunchilla** 1.3 K points

They don't age unless they want to

* * *


	24. Excerpts- The Translated Oral History Of The Peoples Of Stephano

* * *

> _The allmother, distant Star-heart, the diamond eyed, Crown-That-Encircles-The-Universe..._

> _Our Father, the wayard Star-heart, Lifeblood, Crown-That-Encircles-The-Universe._

Epithets used in reference to Asteria Diamond by the melonsprite and hedgewick peoples respectively.

Differences in the titling of the Diamond are consequence of the separate evolution of the two cultures, and the circumstances of which they were created, though there are some curious similarities. Despite little direct influence from Gem culture at formation, the epithet _Star-heart_ easily draws parallels to the poetic Diamond epithet _Suneater_ , and _Crown-That-Encircles-The-Universe_ is a known poetic epithet in Gem literature for Asteria Diamond himself. This would imply that some awareness and borderline worshipful reverence of the creators is endemic to all things made by the Diamonds.


	25. r/rockclimbers

* * *

**Rockclimbing, If You Know What I Mean**

r/rockclimbers

posted by u/takemetosnurch

 **I was today years old when I found the Gem archival footage of Asteria Diamond's coronation.** [LINK]

**NeverGonnaGiveYouUpIsGood** 10 K points

Also

Look at Asteria’s head!

I WANT TO PAT IT!

**3Hobbits** 3.5 K points

Oh, big same. They look so fluffy. T.T

**FriendlyBunchilla** 2.7 K points

Ohmygods he's sofe!

**takemetosnurch** 2 K points

I got this footage from being on a transcription team for the Intergalactic Encyclopedic Database!

They have this pet project of compiling human knowledge and culture, was on it for a bit. Did meet the Diamond xyrself once- can confirm, super fucking soft.

**GemflixAndChill** 199 points

how the fuck do you even get involved in that? godspeed

**LemonCitrus** 5 K points

the chosen one

**NeverGonnaGiveYouUpIsGood** 6.7 K points

Thank you, OP, you’re a good person.

**RockAndRoll85** 53 points

Did you also do the subtitling in the second section?

**takemetosnurch** 7.8 K points

I did do the subtitling as best as I could, yeah. Had some help from a Gem. This Diamond footage was basically how I chose to be paid lmao.

Transcripting was basically me reading human writing so that Gems could understand it.

My poor fucking throat, I had so much ambrosia to tide the pain it's not even funny. The price of knowledge, man.

**RockHardForRocks** 5.5 K points

Doing Gods work ;)

**MiningObsidian** 9 K points

GUYS HAS ANYONE CONSIDERED HOW HUGE FUSIONS GET, AND HOW HUGE THE DIAMONDS ARE HERE

**RockHardForRocks**

Diamond fusion??

**betweenagemandahardplace** 3.1 K points

diamond fusion pls step on me

**GemflixAndChill** 2.2 K points

can the diamonds fuse and come choke me

**3Hobbits** 2.1 K points

I hadn't but I AM NOW

**3Hobbits** 2 K points

ok but would a fusion with Asteria make the diamonds larger or smaller to equalize the size?

**DiamondDaddy** 357 points

Larger I think?

Fusions, from my limited experience, just get bigger

And by limited, I mean stalking one of them for 24 hours once

**GemflixAndChill** 3 K points

bro you can't just stop there

**sami** 6.9 K points

A TITAN of a Goddess

A Goddess worth getting on your knees and praying for

**RockHardForRocks** 5.7 K points

I have found my religion

**velour** 10.2 K points

If the diamonds fused this entire reddit will explode from the sheer amount of simp energy

**diamonddanger** 202 points

We would. We would.

**diamonddanger** 1.1 K points

WAIT THE DIAMONDS WERE SMALLER IN THE TRIAL FOOTAGE

**NeverGonnaGiveYouUpIsGood** 996 points

OH SHIT, THEY WERE!

**sami** 7.1 K points

They get smaller sometimes cause the universe doesnt contain enough simp energy if they were that tall always

**RockHardForRocks** 3.7 K points

FACTS

**sami** 12.5 K points

Google how do I convert to the Diamond Religion

**MiningObsidian** 3.3 K points

google how do i fuse with astria diamond

 **DiamondDaddy** 9 K points

Google how do I become a gem

**SinnamonRolls** 555 points

The answer is you dont :)

**RockHardForRocks** 2.3 K points

why you gotta shatter our dreams

* * *


	26. r/rockclimbers

* * *

**Rockclimbing, If You Know What I Mean**

r/rockclimbers

posted by u/takemetosnurch

 **I was today years old when I found the Gem archival footage of Asteria Diamond's coronation.** [LINK]

**sami** 10.1 K points

God i wish humans had claws like That

**velour** 4.5 K points

Google how do i wife Blue Diamond

**diamonddanger** 3.7 K points

Google seriously how do I become a gem I will sell my soul for this to happen.

**FriendlyBunchilla** 7.7 K points

His sweet voice makes me go Mommy Mode

**InbetweenARock** 12 points

ugh, this footage is obviously fake, i mean, look at the shading, totally fake, i dont believe anything these faux-diamonds are telling all of you, while i back up my research with SCIENCe and LOGIC, any crystal truthers in this subreddit left?

**DiamondDaddy** 5.1 K points

Screw off conspiracy theorists

**SinnamonRolls** 4.2 K points

Imagine not thinking gems exist

**RockHardForRocks** 2.1 K points

Imagine not thinking

**SinnamonRolls** 1 K points

IMAGINE THINKING

**RockHardForRocks** 990 points

Couldn't be me bro

**NeverGonnaGiveYouUpIsGood** 9.5 K points

you can think that, buddy, and we won’t argue with you because we have more sanity

**FriendlyBunchilla** 3.2 K points

Go ride on a cactus, ya moldy, misshapen corn chip.

**CorePressure1996** 23 points

bro look at their expressions, you cant POSSIBLY argue that these actors are diamonds, their voices are synthesized, even badly so, when is the world gonna wake up to the TRUTH and see that these supposed "overlords" are nothing more than the latest act of the deep swamp sheeple to take over the government?

 **diamonddanger** 9.9 K points

please stop.

**CorePressure1996** 50 points

Or what? this is the internet dude, dont believe their lies, gems arent real, robots are

**DiamondDaddy** 2.5 K points

You really think robots are that good?

**diamonddanger** 3.4 K points

Dude... did you SEE New York? Aliens exist.

**CorePressure1996** 6 points

you cant prove anything, i saw new york, the Establishment clearly thought that the TRUTH was coming out, so they did something against it

**diamonddanger** 9.6 K points

....people fucking died.

My brother died. Just just get out of here. You are truly the scum of the earth.

**SinnamonRolls** 4.4 K points

Yeah man new york was hell after that whole...thing

**AutoModerator** 7.6 K points

_User was banned from this subreddit for this comment._

_Rule 6: Do not talk about conspiracies on this subreddit. Especially regarding what happened in New York._

**NeverGonnaGiveYouUpIsGood** 333 points

thank you, automod

**GemflixAndChill** 4.3 K points

good bot

**sami** 10.5 K points

Me looking at a gem millions of times older than me

My Brain: Baby

**SinnamonRolls** 2.7 K points

I would like to inform you that aquamarines are not Babey but are in fact evil children

**sami** 987 points

Evil Baby is still Baby

**GemflixAndChill** 564 points

source

**DiamondDaddy** 145 points

I stalked one once, can confirm.

**GemflixAndChill** 2.7 K points

who else have you stalked, stop hiding behind your 5th amendment

**DiamondDaddy** 555 points

No.

**NeverGonnaGiveYouUpIsGood** 2.3 K points

they look like Karens

**FriendlyBunchilla** 3 K points

(wheeze) i'm dead

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, Aliens Steal Cable will no longer be updating!  
> We'll be making fics of the internet style in the future but it just won't be on This Fic anymore because the timeline of Aliens Steal Cable has become too expansive.  
> Don't worry! Internet style fics and chapters will still be made! Just not in this installment. But thanks for reading anyway, and thanks to our community Discord for participating in the live events that helped write this fic!

**Author's Note:**

> And thank you for reading! kudos, comment, critique, and despaired wails are all equally appreciated.
> 
> Join the Discord server for draft bits, behind the scenes nonsense, yearning questions of my questionable literary choices, and future stories.
> 
> https://discord.gg/xdhnqKj
> 
> This series now has a dedicated written timeline for the curious in the series companion guide, which is the last "fic" listed in the series page.
> 
> Fun fact! Look at the publishing date for this fic- this was actually the first fic ever written in _For A Diamond Is A Marveled Thing_. Love it or hate it, this was the fic that started it all. We had a good run with it, but now it's time to let _Aliens Steal Cable_ rest.


End file.
